Friday, October 28, 2011

UPDATED: "Some Day"

So, after working out for 9 weeks, and trying dozens of different classes, I have managed to gain yet ANOTHER 5 pounds, jack up my left foot so bad it hurts to walk, pull SOMETHING in my groin, and get a blister in a place that has NO FUCKING BUSINESS getting a blister, I think it may be time to re-evaluate my goals.

I may be going back to good old fashioned running, where I can sweat and puke all on my own, thankyouverymuch, without some overly muscled fitness guru telling me to "COME ON!  PUSH IT!  YOU CAN DO IT!" and basically egging me on until I hurt myself.

I know, I know, it isn't their fault.  I could have leaped off the dammed spin bike and stomped my foot and crossed my arms and said, "ENOUGH!" 

But I didn't.

I could have thrown my water bottle at the boom box during the zumba class that nearly ruined my life and stormed out of the room in a huff instead of trying to shake it shake it shake it, and permanently injuring my pride.

But I didn't.

Instead, even though I have been eating LESS, and eating more healthy (healthily?  healthililier?), I have gained another 5 lbs.

What.  The.  Fuck.

This brings me up to... 180 lbs.  I mean seriously.  That sounds like a lot.  It got me eating a ton of cantaloupe in the hopes that I would get Lysteria and maybe FINALLY stop the madness.

But what, really, is in a number? I mean, besides all of my self esteem and willingness to try anything new? (HOLY SHIT 180? REALLY?)


I am hitting the reset button here, and making some new damned goals for November and saying "fuck you" to September and October.

Goal #1: I will not get on the scale.  Not the crappy old one in my bathroom, not my mom's fancy digital one in her bathroom, not the professional looking doctor scale at gym at work.  Not. Getting.  On.  Why?  Because every time I do, I get really depressed, eat an entire fried chicken and a bag of fun sized Baby Ruth bars, and drink a six-pack of beer.  And not light beer, REAL beer.  That's why.

Goal #2:  It's about a month away.. Thanksgiving.  That means the Turkey Trot is coming up.  There will be no Turkey since my parents went all vegan on me last year (Depressionfest 2011 right there,guys), but we can still go a-running on the big morning of what USE to be my favoritest holiday ever.  Goal #2 is to beat my Turkey Trot time from last year.  Sure, I am 15 pounds heavier than last year, but last year I had an injury that made running almost impossible. 

This means that instead of working out for socks, I will now work out for my self respect.

Ummm. Wait.

That sounds kind of bad.

OK.  Let's try this thing over again.

Goals for November:

  1. Find a way to actually sleep at night.  This may involve running a lot during the day.  Or at all.  I hear that exercise helps you sleep.
  2. Find a way to deal with stress that doesn't involve eating, or quitting my job. (This might tie into the whole "running" thing again.  And hiking more).
  3. Run the Turkey Trot in less than 39 minutes.  Yeah.  39 minutes was my time last year.  I really should be able to beat that.
  4. Write a novel.

Wait, what?

Oh, yeah.

I forgot to tell you.

I signed up for NaNoWriMo this year.

November is National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). 

No.  For serious.

I signed up to write a novel in November.



I did.

Because sometimes I think that everything that is wrong with my life is caused by the fact that everything I am planning to do with my life, I am going to do "some day".  Yeah, remember that time I was going to write a book?

Yeah.  I didn't.



I am writing a goddamned novel in November.

"Some day" is the month of November, kids.

50,000 words, 30 days, and I will have a rough draft.  That comes out to 1666 words a day (about).

I need to prove to myself that I can do it.  It doesn't  have to be good, it just has to be done.

So what I am saying is... I might not be around much in November.

I may not be able to keep up with my bloggy friends.  I may not be writing many posts, or commenting on the posts of others.  It isn't that I don't care.  It's just... well...

I kinda sorta need to write a book right now, and go for a run.

P.S.  Do you want to be my writing buddy at NaNoWriMo?  Email me, and I will send you the details.


Anonymous said...

You go girl! I myself refuse to own a scale for just that reason -- it can only end in tears and chicken. And you've inspired me -- I'm going to dive back into (again) trying to write the book (again) that will make me a millionaire so it won't matter if I'm fat.

Leauxra said...

hoodyhoo: Sweet and awesome! I'm glad someone else sees my logic here. If you sign up for NaNoWriMo we can be online writing buddies, if you want.

MakingSpace said...

Love. this. post.

I've wanted to dive into that Nanowhateverthingy for a couple of years now. Is this my year?... hmm...

Kyle said...

Awesome goals! You can definitely do it. :)

I signed up for NaNoWriMo too and sometimes I feel excited and other times I wonder wtf am I thinking.

Leauxra said...

Making Space: Can't hurt to try. I figure that at the very worst case scenerio, I will have written a lot of words, that go together, in like, a story or something.

I say go for it. :)

Kyle: That is awesome. Have you ever tried the NaNoWriMo thing before? I am a little terrified, but mostly so excited my head is going to explode.

Stephanie said...

Oh, me too! Me too! I'm going to post about NaNoWriMo on Monday. I convinced my mom to do it too. I'm kind of excited. I just don't know yet if I want zombies in my book. I still have a few days to decide.

Anonymous said...

I am so right there with you girl about the weight and working out thing. I just keep gaining weight and avoid that scale like a Westboro Baptist Church protester. I really can't blame it on baby weight anymore either because my "baby" is 3 1/2. Damn. But it just keeps going up. I'm almost at the point of giving up because this is the time of year I usually, historically gain more weight. Halloween (lots of candy), Thanksgiving (lots of yummy turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing . . . mmmmm), Christmas (party after party of deliciousness and lots of cookies). I just don't know what to do with myself. Well, that's crap, I do very well know, I am just too lazy to do it.

Good luck with the running and the book. I hope you are wildly successful with both. Just doing it is winning!! (Gah, that sounded like some sort of inspirational hallmark card or something. Ignore that). Ok, let's try this: Kick those running and book writing goals in the ass!! Better, no? :)

Leauxra said...

Stephanie: Woot. This is going to be great, even if everyone in my family refuses to get excited about it. Pshaw. I'll show them.

And mind will definitely contain zombies.

mistylaws: Seriously. I don't even have the excuse of having ever given birth.

And your second attempt was MUCH better. You could be a motivational speaker, although the first time I read it, I thought it said I should kick MYSELF in the ass, and I was kind of confused.

"Go on! Kick yourself in the ass! Do it! It's funny to watch!"

Keith said...

If you are going to drin beer, drink real beer. I know this can be difficult, but there are good micro breweries around. Keep in mind that zombies can't deal with real beer. They only attack people that have been drinking the cheap stuff.

I am assuming your novel will have zombies, alien conspiracies and by that I mean Wall street and Congress, and a plucky yet valiant and cute heroine. Looking forward to reading it.

StephanieC said...

NoNo WriMo for me.

But good for you for goal setting!

You know that lack of proper sleep totally contributes to weight gain, right? That AND stress affect your adrenal glands and corisol and shizz, usually adding weight to your midsection.

It's depressing as fuck.

And yeah, being around Vegans sucks, especially at a time like this. I know, because I sometimes am one. hehe.

Screw the scale.

Just beware those damn bite size Halloween candy treats, and ignore the half-off sales after Halloween. They get me EVERY FREAKIN' YEAR!

Leauxra said...

Keith: So, I actually MAKE my own beer... it's a family project, my parents, my boyfriend, and I. We make real beer. We're also in northern Colorado, home of about a million microbrews.

And yes, zombies. And fear of small towns. And rural nebraska. And teenaged girls. Pretty much everything I fear except spiders.

StephanieC: It drives me crazy that not sleeping and being stressed causes weight gain, but work and weight gain cause lack of sleep and stress. No fair!

And yes. Screw it. Because ACTUALLY... even though I put on ANOTHER 5 LBS, my waist didn't grow. It is totally confusing.

And I thought "fun sized" candy bars were a food group, honestly.

StephanieC said...

Oh... I meant to add... It's probably simply the muscle mass you've gained from your hard core training, right?

And, I know, stress/sleep is a vicious cycle. It is SO not fair. That's why ignoring the scale will help!

Angie said...

Hon, exercise is best done when it's right for you. You enjoy running. They say variety is the spice of life, but sh*ts what you make it right? If you want to run... then you RUN! It works for YOU. I love the not getting on the scale part of your post!

As to the novel... F*CK TO THE YES! Excellent! I can't wait to hear how that comes out! I've seen a few others talking about it and I'm excited for you!

Looking forward to seeing you when you're back from Noveland! Since I might not see you before then... Happy Turkey Trotting!

wagthedad said...

Yay Leauxra! You're doing nanowrimo!

I did it about eight years ago (eight fricking years, Christ) and it's exhilarating when you cross the 50,000 word mark.

And I have been thinking about doing it again, this year. I started last year and the year before, but never really committed. Plus i have this blog thing.

But I really want to be a novel writing person and maybe knowing that you're doing it will make me do it. I don't know. Don't want to ruin Wag while I'm at it. And Wag will suffer, if I decide to write a novel. Unless I just don't sleep. Ever.

BTW the weight you're gaining? It's most likely muscle weight. It will even out in another month.

Just sayin'.

wagthedad said...

What is your nanowrimo name? Wanna be writing buddies?

Leauxra said...

StephanieC: It's either that, or it's "picture weight" because someone was going to photograph me. Like when you look 5lbs heavier on TV? This is like that only I gain 5 lbs when I know someone is going to take my picture. Hah.

Angie: I plan to check in periodically, but I can't guarantee any posts of any length or keep up with my favorite blogs. So sad. I will probably still read everything, eventually. And thanks for the encouragement! It really means something!

Wag: I say go for it. I am surprised at how many blogger friends are doing the NaNoWriMo thingy, so I'll bet people would be pretty understanding if you wrote an explanation and went down to once or twice a week or something.

Or really, just give up sleep. Your book would be... more... interesting...? that way.

And yes, we should be writing buddies, that would be cool. Email me on my profile, or I will do so on your site, and we'll exchange info.

Anonymous said...

Some Day is November? Craaaaap.

I hope your foot feels better soon!

Paula said...

Running has always been the best way for me to drop the pounds, it sucks but it works. Good luck with your goals!

Leauxra said...

Thoughtsy: Ha ha ha ha ha.

And thanks, foot felt better as soon as I promised no more aerobics classes. Weird how that works.

Paula: I was tempted by the free socks. I should have freaking known better. Running is more important, anyway. I will not be able to zumba my escape from the zombies, after all.

Megan (Best of Fates) said...

I'm doing NNWM too and I'm SO nervous! But good luck to you - and to the race, last year's time sounds impressive to me!

Leauxra said...

Megan: Well, on to day 4 of NaNoWriMo. So far so good...

wagthedad said...

So cool that we are writing buddies. And thanks for letting me know it would be ok for me to not write daily. I'm going ok for now, but I'm behind, so I'm going to slow down on wag and up the novel a bit.


And I thought about just not sleeping, but the problem is that coffee no longer works for me after 10:00 P.M. or before 5:00....wait...maybe it does work before 5:00 now...

PudMonkey said...

I'm super excited to read your novel. I'm sure that it will, if nothing else, be hilarious, entertaining, and very interesting.

And, yeah, I never get on scales if I can possibly avoid it. However, I did lose 20 pounds in 1 semester (they're what? 16 weeks?) by just going swimming for 30 minutes twice a week. However, last time I was swimming regularly, I gained like 50 pounds. That could have had something to do with carrying around/growing another person at the time, but focus on the first example. It's way more applicable to you. Oh, but the plus side of swimming all the damn time while pregnant (seriously at least 1000 yds was that I was in awesome shape after I had the baby. =D Now, they've started up a lunch-time skiing group at my new work, which I plan to join as soon as I can figure out my stupid travel schedule. I'm sure that'll help, too. :)

Leauxra said...

A lunch ski group!!! A LUNCH SKI GROUP! I can barely get people to go for a run with me at work.

I love skiing.

Maybe I should move to Alaska.

Love said...

FUCK scales and weighing in. If you feel good, and you can move comfortably and breathe well and stretch appropriately for you, then dammit people don't fixate on a number.

PudMonkey said...

You should TOTALLY move to Alaska!!! It's AWESOME!!! We almost started a lunch time hockey group at my old job, but maintenance was continually short-staffed and never got around to plowing the frozen lake. :( But we talked about it a lot.

Leauxra said...

Oh Love, you're so nice! But I DO need to lose a little. My new "diet and exercise" thing seems to be working though. Who knew?

Pudmonkey: Will they pay for me to go back to college? Cause if so, I'll totally go.