Look, I am not trying to rain on anyone's parade or anything, but I think drinking might be bad for you.
And I'm not talking about your liver shutting down or operating heavy machinery and losing limbs or thinking that jumping off a bridge into ditch water under the railroad tracks is a good idea or anything.
OK, maybe all that stuff, too. But mostly I am talking about things like:
Thinking this looks like food:
|They're called "Monkey Balls", and near as I can tell, they are little balls of SPAM, deep fried and covered in an amazingly addictive sweet and sour like sauce. They can only classify as food in your imagination.|
I didn't plan on getting sloshed.
I was going to the Colorado Brewer's Festival for craft beer and liquid joy.
I planned on discreetly sipping on amazing experimental and interesting beers from some of Colorado's most amazing craft breweries. I planned on talking to the brewers, who were, in fact, present to talk to their adoring and level-headed fans. I expected to have intelligent conversations with people who get to brew beer for a living.
Instead, I ran into a couple of brewers at various points and the conversations were something like this:
Brewer #1: "This is awesome!"
Brewer #2: "What's your favorite beer?"
Me: "Uh... besides yours? I would have to say this crazy double Fat Tire with the saison yeast. The Crabtree Cezanne Saison is pretty good, too. It tasted like oranges."
Brewer #1: "I'll have to try that."
Brewer #2: "I love doing this for a living. You know what I'm doing right now? I'm working." He held up his taster and grinned.
Me: "Shit yeah."
Ran into another brewer a while later. This one I actually saw in a bar fight one time, so I was not surprised to see him down a taster of beer and hold out his cup for some more. Because, dude. It was his damned booth.
Mostly I was jealous.
|You know what else seems like a good idea? Smoking a cigar when you quit smoking a month and a half ago. And wearing a cowboy hat and a Hawaiian shirt. Yes. I know I picked out my outfit before we started drinking. Shut up.|
After we left the brewfest, we headed to a friend's house to sober up before driving home.
This would have been a good idea if:
- We didn't stop at the liquor store on the way there to get more booze and
- We didn't keep drinking heavily.
|Somehow, another cigar showed up.|
So now you know. Drinking can be bad for you and lead to some interesting judgement calls.
Now... where did I set my beer?