Thursday, December 13, 2012

Call Me Grace

I recently had the pleasure of participating in the wedding of a good friend. 

The bride and groom rented a lodge in the mountains where the wedding party could stay for the weekend.  Festivities were planned, and food would be provided.

I expected the mountain driving (especially with a snow storm on the way) would be the adventure of this little gathering.  I am very good at getting lost.

I am also very good at visualizing my car sliding off a twisty mountain road over a cliff and then my car exploding on the way down in a comet of fire and confetti, probably because I missed a turn.  It seemed like the natural conclusion.

But none of that happened.  It was a remarkably pleasant drive, I had good directions, and arrived a little early for the rehersal.

What I didn't expect was that the bridal suite would have an INDOOR HOT TUB that we could use.

Which is where our adventure begins...

While I have recently lost quite a bit of weight, I may still have some minor body issues.

Creepy smiles always help to make friends.

I decided my best course of action would be to get in the hot tub as quickly as possible and pretend I was not as ridiculous as I felt.

So, I walked over to the hot tub...

...put my foot on the step...


The step was not a step at all, but a beautifully hand crafted creation of doom.

It tipped a little.

And then it tipped some more...

I attempted to regain my balance for a moment...

 But there was no help for it.

I went down.

For a moment I lay on the floor, basking in my utter humiliation, and wondering what I had broken.  Besides the last vestiges of my self respect, I mean.

 With a Herculean effort, I pulled myself up.

And I realized that everyone in the room, maybe a half a dozen brides maids, was staring at me.

I tried to reassure them.

The most certain way to make sure everyone thinks you're drunk is to assure them you are not.

So I (very carefully) hopped into the hot tub, realizing that everyone was sitting on the edge because the  the temperature was set roughly to that of molten lava.

I will neither confirm nor deny that I may or may not have screamed.