I may be going back to good old fashioned running, where I can sweat and puke all on my own, thankyouverymuch, without some overly muscled fitness guru telling me to "COME ON! PUSH IT! YOU CAN DO IT!" and basically egging me on until I hurt myself.
I know, I know, it isn't their fault. I could have leaped off the dammed spin bike and stomped my foot and crossed my arms and said, "ENOUGH!"
But I didn't.
I could have thrown my water bottle at the boom box during the zumba class that nearly ruined my life and stormed out of the room in a huff instead of trying to shake it shake it shake it, and permanently injuring my pride.
But I didn't.
Instead, even though I have been eating LESS, and eating more healthy (healthily? healthililier?), I have gained another 5 lbs.
What. The. Fuck.
This brings me up to...
But what, really, is in a number? I mean, besides all of my self esteem and willingness to try anything new? (HOLY SHIT 180? REALLY?)
I am hitting the reset button here, and making some new damned goals for November and saying "fuck you" to September and October.
Goal #1: I will not get on the scale. Not the crappy old one in my bathroom, not my mom's fancy digital one in her bathroom, not the professional looking doctor scale at gym at work. Not. Getting. On. Why? Because every time I do, I get really depressed, eat an entire fried chicken and a bag of fun sized Baby Ruth bars, and drink a six-pack of beer. And not light beer, REAL beer. That's why.
Goal #2: It's about a month away.. Thanksgiving. That means the Turkey Trot is coming up. There will be no Turkey since my parents went all vegan on me last year (Depressionfest 2011 right there,guys), but we can still go a-running on the big morning of what USE to be my favoritest holiday ever. Goal #2 is to beat my Turkey Trot time from last year. Sure, I am
This means that instead of working out for socks, I will now work out for my self respect.
That sounds kind of bad.
OK. Let's try this thing over again.
Goals for November:
- Find a way to actually sleep at night. This may involve running a lot during the day. Or at all. I hear that exercise helps you sleep.
- Find a way to deal with stress that doesn't involve eating, or quitting my job. (This might tie into the whole "running" thing again. And hiking more).
- Run the Turkey Trot in less than 39 minutes. Yeah. 39 minutes was my time last year. I really should be able to beat that.
- Write a novel.
I forgot to tell you.
I signed up for NaNoWriMo this year.
November is National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo).
No. For serious.
I signed up to write a novel in November.
Because sometimes I think that everything that is wrong with my life is caused by the fact that everything I am planning to do with my life, I am going to do "some day". Yeah, remember that time I was going to write a book?
Yeah. I didn't.
I am writing a goddamned novel in November.
"Some day" is the month of November, kids.
50,000 words, 30 days, and I will have a rough draft. That comes out to 1666 words a day (about).
I need to prove to myself that I can do it. It doesn't have to be good, it just has to be done.
So what I am saying is... I might not be around much in November.
I may not be able to keep up with my bloggy friends. I may not be writing many posts, or commenting on the posts of others. It isn't that I don't care. It's just... well...
I kinda sorta need to write a book right now, and go for a run.
P.S. Do you want to be my writing buddy at NaNoWriMo? Email me, and I will send you the details.