I have decided to write a novel.
I know, I know, I shouldn't TALK about it, I should just DO it, right?
But seriously, I can't think of any better career (other than maybe "Famous (and Overpriced) Artist"). Sitting around at home all day... (WORKING FROM HOME), maybe never getting dressed, just hanging out in my underwear all the time... no showers, no fluorescent lighting, no boss, no RULES. I could seriously be drunk by 10AM EVERY. DAY.
I've been thinking about it for a while.
At first, I was intimidated. I mean, there are a few good writers out there, you know? It's hard to be motivated when you're going to be compared with someone like Stephen King or William Shakespeare or something. And what if I end up some sad old maid living in an attic whose never published in her lifetime and whose fame is postmortem? What if I go insane? What if my massive wealth goes to my head and I "sell out"?
I decided I would need some moral support, so last night I told my boyfriend.
Me: "Hey. I think I'm going to write a novel."
Him: "Sounds good."
Him: (looking at his computer) "..."
Me: "I can totally do it."
Me: "It's going to be about vampires. Or maybe zombies."
Him: (snickering over something on reddit)
Me: "And it's going to be violent. Gory even."
Me: "And funny."
Him: "Huh." (to be fair, I am not sure he was responding to me here, or something on the computer).
Me: "And I'm going to avoid all those things that annoy me with the serial vampire novelists. I won't spend three pages describing an outfit. I mean, who gives a shit? And I'll have implied sex and I will never have any lines like, 'his pulsing manhood' or anything like that."
Him: "Yeah, annoying."
Me: "Just action and violence and humor. I am going to be a millionaire."
Him: "That's good."
So, I will be starting any time now. I didn't end up writing my novel last night. I got distracted by dinner, then hanging out, then watching Doctor Who.
I did open Open Office and save a document titled, "Awesome Million Dollar Novel". And I typed, "The day was..." because everyone starts with the NIGHT was, and I'm different, see?
Pretty soon I'll be writing.
As soon as I get done with this post. And maybe, you know, after work tonight. If I'm not too busy.
Gonna be awesome.