Monday, August 15, 2011

Leauxra's Small House

"If you win the lottery," I said to Boyfriend, "what will you buy me?"

Boyfriend paused, looking thoughtful.  

"I will buy you a very, very small house," he said.

"YAY!" I said, jumping up and down and clapping my hands.

Boyfriend is so awesome.

He knows me.

I get these obsessions.

One day, I might need to learn how to solve a Rubric's Cube in under 5 minutes, and another time I might absolutely need to make a set of speakers out of a vinyl toy.  I will learn everything there is to know about keeping an octopus as a pet in a landlocked state, and later I will figure out how to make real, authentic, ginger beer.

My 4" Munny speakers.  My mom thinks they look like "little cannibals".  They are made from little blank vinyl toys and a cheap pair of speakers I got for $5 at WalMart, a little paint, a little joint compound, and a bit of patience.

Last November or so, my thing was tiny houses.  I am talking 100-400 square feet.  I read everything I could about them, looked at plans, looked at pictures of built houses, and promptly decided I needed to not only build and live in one, but I should design it, too.

The first house I designed was made almost entirely of glass.  I named it "A Stone's Throw".  It had to be built into the side of a hill.  It was three stories and about 500 square feet, not counting the below ground garage/brewery.

I don't actually know anything about architectural design, structural engineering, materials, geology, electrical installation, plumbing, drainage or pretty much anything else, but I did have $13 for a graph paper moleskin notebooks, and I immediately set to work.

My lack of understanding of basic physics shows up in some of my more whimsical designs, such as the above structure with a "floating" loft held up by a single center pole.

But as I designed, the houses started getting bigger.  More and more things became essential.  I would need a place to brew beer.  I would want a studio to paint and write.  Somewhere to sleep, and yes, somewhere to eat might be nice.

I may wish to shower occasionally.

One of my larger designs, this one ends up being 1000 square feet or so, and 5 floors (not counting the roof).

I let my imagination wander.  No need to be constrained to 100 square feet, or 500 square feet, or even 1000.  I started designing houses that would fit the lifestyle that I imagine for myself.

It is the "just in case I become an evil wizard" design.  I will have to build it in a mountainous valley with its own spring watersource, haunted barrows and orc-infested forest..  I will have a moat and a drawbridge, and underground escape route possibly guarded by my legion of the undead.

Screw being prepared for the zombie uprising.  I should be IN CONTROL of it.

And I learned something about myself.

Everything I do is about me becoming an evil wizard.


Hoody Hoo said...

I have also noticed that everything I do is not only designed to let me survive the Apocolypse, but end up IN CHARGE OF IT. I wanna be Tom Petty's character from "The Postman." Except much more eviler.

LeeAnn said...

Ever since the first Lord of the Rings Movie, I've wanted to live in a hobbit house. And then I saw some pictures of houses JUST LIKE THEM and the campaign to beat the living hell out of the current owners and steal their house began. I'd be like a cross between a hobbit and a gollum. Been practicing creeping around crooning "My precioussssssssssssssssssss."

Leauxra said...

HoodyHoo: In charge, the cause of, and solution to the apocalypse. Abso-damed-lutely. Maybe this should be a collaborative project.

LeeAnn: I am pretty sure that a hobbit hole would be super "green" and efficient, so when you DO steal it, you should get a tax break. Me, I would rather go more for "Sauron" only female, and without that weakness for rings.

Stephanie said...

I also have an obsession with small spaces lately! My favourite ones are the ultra-high-tech "lego" houses that can be arranged and rearranged in dozens of configurations.

I like your tower. It would be cool if you could also have some flying monkeys to guard it.

Anonymous said...

Small places mean less to clean. I really like the tower idea.

I'm gonna need you to send me your speakers.

Leauxra said...

Stephanie: Flying monkeys! YES! I actually have a sign in my cubicle that says, "I have flying monkeys and I'm not afraid to use them". It is a beautiful carved wooden sign, displayed in a prominent position. How could I have forgotten?

thoughtsappear: I have been thinking about making some more... maybe using blank baby dolls from the hobby shop or something. But someone gave me a blank 9" Munny, and I need to make a radioactive nightlight before I do any other projects...

Left Coast Guy said...

At last I'm home! I'm surrounded by like minded Middle Earth screwballs! Forget Sauron! I want to be the god that controled him...Morgoth, in his mountain range fortress of Angband and...

What...? Too much...? (sounds of me slinking back into my hole...) sssssssssorry...


Leauxra said...

Left Coast Guy: No no, you can never go overboard with LotR references. And here I thought I was all alone in the world, wanting to be an evil wizard in a tower. Once we all have our towers, can we pit our hoards of minions against one another? That would be totally fun.

Paula @ thewilyweez said...

I just found your blog today and this post totally made my afternoon! :)

Leauxra said...

Welcome, Paula! Glad to have you here. And glad you liked it!

Anonymous said...

I totally get the evil wizard thing, except it has to be a magic system that doesn't involve actual studying, or making potions or any other kind of hard work.

My life goal is still 'Benevolent Dictator'.

Leauxra said...

andtheletterm: You have a good point about the "studying" and "working" bit. I want to skip that phase and go straight to "LOTS OF POWER" and "ROASTING PEOPLE WITH MY BRAIN" part.

PudMonkey said...

Good luck with the whole evil wizard thing. I hope it works out for you. Really. I do!

But, mainly, I want those speakers. You can send them to me. We get US Postal Service up here. And FedEx. And UPS.

Leauxra said...

PudMonkey: I think I have just found a new way to make some moneys... selling my creepy speakers. You are not the first person to ask for them.

Wait until you see my radioactive nightlight.

Meri said...

Looks like you have a fabulous imagination! I hope you get that tiny house one day :)
I just found your blog through Stephanie's. New follower!

Leauxra said...

Hi Meri, and welcome! Thanks for pointing out the mention from Stephanie, too!