Sunday, August 21, 2011

In Memoriam

Suddenly, I don't feel special.

I am a normal person, now.

My superpower is hidden.

I cut my hair.

One last photograph...

I wanted to be all flip about it, say something like, "Just take a little off the bottom... 20 or 30 inches," but I got super nervous all of a sudden.

Apparently, the ladies at Cost Cutters do not keep a katana on hand for cutting hair.

I could see the fear in the stylist's eyes.  She asked me if I was sure three or four times.

Instead of the expected ripping cutting feeling, I got a mild vibration from the back of my head.  
I almost shouted, "AAAHHH!  THAT HURTS, HOW COULD YOU?!?" but I refrained.

Instead, I waited until she handed me my hair, and said, "Oh wait, I changed my mind," but I was smiling so she didn't believe me.

It's tied up like that so it can be donated to Locks of Love.

I held it up like a trophy to show how brave I am.

By this time, everyone in the salon was staring.  There were some gasps of fear and hands over mouths.  There was a couple of cheers and someone called, "Good for you!"

I had the sudden urge to cry, so I laughed instead.  Fuck you, hair.  I didn't want you anyway.

Crap.  What did I do?

I walked out of the salon, smiling nervously.  Is this what I look like now?

I will no longer be able to loosen my bun and let my hair fall down my back to show my specialness to the world.

I keep catching my reflection and thinking, "Crap, this hairstyle is annoying.  I should have shaved it."

By evening I tried 50 ways to tie this crap out of my face.  I may need to go back and get rid of this non-style style.  To get rid of this "I'm a mom" hairstyle.

I am not a mom.  I shouldn't have a mom-do.

Maybe I just need to be more positive.

I will save a fortune in shampoo.  I will save time brushing it twice a day.  It will be easier to wear a helmet or a hat.

My hair will no longer act as a handle for zombies when the uprising begins.

And my hair won't escape the mail service and come inching back to me, creeping through the streets and dragging mud and spiders.  It won't come crawling through the dryer outlet, and snake its way up the stairs.  It won't squeeze under my bedroom door, and climb up the disheveled quilt and stare down at me while I sleep.

It won't wrap its jealous tendrils around my throat whispering, "Why couldn't you love me back?"

It won't do these things, because I let the salon send it off.  They tied it up in a sack and secured it tightly, so it won't escape.

I can only hope that I will never walk by the Locks of Love recipient.  I can just see it, the mutual recognition as it flies off her head and attaches itself to my face like the spider alien egg layers in the Alien series.

I will just have to be vigilant.

My waves came back as the hair dried.  Maybe THIS is what I look like now.

So yeah.

Hair all gone.

I will stop writing about it now, I promise.


Stephanie said...

You know...I really like your new haircut! I makes you look younger. And don't worry...your hair will find a new home, with someone who will love it and talk to it and sing it lullabies at night.

MJ Morgan, Writer said...

I bow to your courage and specialness.

Leenie said...

Someone out there thanks you--a lot. But I WOULD like to be there if it ever happens that she walks by you and your hair recognizes and jumps......

Leauxra said...

Stephanie: If someone sings my hair lullabies, it isn't going to miss me, crabbing at it for a snarl. Let's hope you are right.

MJ: Thank you. It was harder than I thought it would be.

Leenie: Honestly, it would almost be worth the mortal terror for that to happen.

Hoody Hoo said...

I LIKE IT! And the waves look GREAT! If it gets on you nerves being un-pull-back-able, do what I do: The Way of the Headband and the Holy Baseball Cap will never let you down.
Also... um, don't ever watch the Tales from the Darkside called "Hell Toupee." Trust me.

Leauxra said...

Just seeing the worlds "Hell Toupee" have brought more images to my mind that I thought possible.

Thanks, Hoody!

Anonymous said...

I agree with Stephanie. You look younger. It's so awesome that you did this!

Leauxra said...

Thanks, Thoughtsy. I am slowly letting people convince me that this looks OK, but its hard!

Angie said...

It's freakin cute! You look like you're 16 ya lucky sh*t! Bravo you!

StephanieC said...

You are abso-f*cking-lutely special. Just think of how much that hair will mean at Locks of Love?!?

That is so selfless, and awesome.

*bows in your direction*

Leauxra said...

Angie: HAH! It's been a while since I was carded, so I thought I had lost my girlish looks. Thanks for saying that, you totally made my day.

Stephanie: You made me laugh. Next time I feel a little down, I am going to look myself in the mirror and say, "Leauxra, YOU ARE ABSO_FUCKING-LUTELY SPECIAL!"

In all seriousness, though, I have to say I am really glad I have blog friends to validate me. You guys rock.

julia said...

You look Wicked Awesome and you will learn to love it! No go vacuum up all that hair around your house because I heard it can gather and choke you in your sleep... and the drain hair too...

Leauxra said...

Thanks, Julia. That's awesome. It is gross enough cleaning up the drain, now I have to worry about it fighting back? Maybe I can just burn it out with drano...

Anonymous said...

I agree, you look about 16 to 18 in the wavy-hair shot.

Still, don't shave it, I don't think you'd make a convincing GI-Jane.

PudMonkey said...

If it makes you feel any better, you've had short hair in my head for several years now. Now your actual self just matches up with it... except I think it might be even shorter in my head... like you maybe circa 2000 or so. Anyways, you are way braver than I am. My braid will totally get caught by some zombie in the apocalypse and I'll die as a result of my inability to cut my hair. Isaac thinks it's hysterical to pull on that same braid when he's riding in the baby seat on my bike, so I justify my chicken-ness by imagining that I'm keeping my hair for Isaac's entertainment, but really, I'm just a big chicken.

Leauxra said...

andtheletterm: Yeah, I think I'll skip the buzz cut. Unless I get a coupon for a free head-tatoo, because that would be completely awesome.

PudMonkey: One of my high school friends mentioned that she can only picture me with really really long hair, and really really short hair, nothing in between. I think the last time I had my hair chin-lenght like this I was about 12.

And actually I was really impressed with how long your hair got since the last time I saw you. WOW.

Come on... join us... you know you want to...

Cool Math said...

You look better than before now.. This hair style suites you perfectly!!

Leauxra said...

Aww, thanks, Cool Math. I am finally getting use to this, two weeks later.

Anonymous said...

Late to the game here, sorry, but I have to say that cut is fantastic on you. I had a similar thing when I had much much longer hair (but not near your length) and finally got sick of it and went to the salon and was like "cut it. Short." The girl asked me 12 times if I was sure I wanted it that short. It felt great once I did it, and I have never gone back to long.

Also, is it some kind of hair stylist law that they have to have that picture in every salon? (the one all the way on the back wall behind you). I swear I have seen that thing in every one I have been to. Freaky.