I grow hair VERY well, even. It's like a super power. I could be "Grow-Your-Own-Cape Girl" or "Leauxra the Longhair" and join the Justice League. It may even have something to do with destiny.
|People think I am exaggerating when I say I have "ass-length" hair.|
It's been about...um... 9 years since I cut my hair. No wait. I had it trimmed about 4 years ago, and every once in a while, I cut my bangs shorter because they get in my eyes and drive me crazy. But I haven't taken off any serious inches in most of a decade.
|She can fly!|
I've been thinking about cutting my hair. Short.
And being me, I keep thinking up excuses not to do it, and putting it off, even though I really actually want to cut it short.
There are so many things that my hair prevents me from doing... Things like wearing hats and going for a bike ride take planning and care. My hair is getting in the way of the rest of my life.
Also, I am afraid that a spider will get tangled into it.
If I'm the superhero of hair growth, I need to start acting like a damned superhero.
With great power, comes great responsibility, right? I could bring it to Lock so Love to make a wig or 10 for cancer patients.
I could use my hair for good instead of evil.
|I don't look like Cousin It. I look like The Ring 4: Blonds Have more Fun.|
I really AM the Olympic Champion of growing hair
|My hair has magical superpowers, and can levitate. For reals.|
I can just picture what I would say to the stylist.
Me: "I want it short. Like, really short. A pixie cut, even. But don't cut my bangs too short. I don't want to look like my hair is to small for my head, or like I'm surprised or something."
She would look at me, scissors poised.
Me: "And don't give me a gay man hair cut. Because I'm not a gay man."
Me: "I mean, I don't wear makeup, keep my nails short, wear flat shoes, am uncomfortable in a skirt, don't exfoliate, condition, or curl... Hell, I don't even own a hair dryer, but I can assure you that I am straight. And female."
Me: "Fuck you. Just cut the damned hair. Short. Make me cute. Well, you know, as cute as possible
with what you have."
Me: "You know what? Never mind. I'm going home."
Me: "AAAAHHH! GET THOSE SCISSORS AWAY FROM ME!!!"
It would grow back.
I'm the Hairy Hippie Hero, and one thing I can do is grow me some hair, right?
So why is it so scary?