Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Like that Chick in "The Ring," Only Blonder

I grow hair out of my head well.

I grow hair VERY well, even.  It's like a super power.  I could be "Grow-Your-Own-Cape Girl" or "Leauxra the Longhair" and join the Justice League.  It may even have something to do with destiny.

People think I am exaggerating when I say I have "ass-length" hair.

It's been about...um... 9 years since I cut my hair.  No wait.  I had it trimmed about 4 years ago, and every once in a while, I cut my bangs shorter because they get in my eyes and drive me crazy.  But I haven't taken off any serious inches in most of a decade.

She can fly!


I've been thinking about cutting my hair.  Short.

And being me, I keep thinking up excuses not to do it, and putting it off, even though I really actually want to cut it short.

There are so many things that my hair prevents me from doing...  Things like wearing hats and going for a bike ride take planning and care.   My hair is getting in the way of the rest of my life.

Also, I am afraid that a spider will get tangled into it.

*shudder*

...

*shudder*

If I'm the superhero of hair growth, I need to start acting like a damned superhero.

With great power, comes great responsibility, right?  I could bring it to Lock so Love to make a wig or 10 for cancer patients.

I could use my hair for good instead of evil.

I don't look like Cousin It.  I look like The Ring 4: Blonds Have more Fun.

I really AM the Olympic Champion of growing hair

My hair has magical superpowers, and can levitate.  For reals.


I can just picture what I would say to the stylist.

Me: "I want it short. Like, really short.   A pixie cut, even.  But don't cut my bangs too short.  I don't want to look like my hair is to small for my head, or like I'm surprised or something."

She would look at me, scissors poised.

Me: "And don't give me a gay man hair cut.  Because I'm not a gay man."

Me: "I mean, I don't wear makeup, keep my nails short, wear flat shoes, am uncomfortable in a skirt, don't exfoliate, condition, or curl... Hell, I don't even own a hair dryer, but I can assure you that I am straight.  And female."

Me:  "Fuck you.  Just cut the damned hair.  Short.  Make me cute.  Well, you know, as cute as possible
with what you have."

...

Me: "You know what?  Never mind.  I'm going home."

Me:  "AAAAHHH!  GET THOSE SCISSORS AWAY FROM ME!!!"

Yeah.

It would grow back.

Probably.

I'm the Hairy Hippie Hero, and one thing I can do is grow me some hair, right?

So why is it so scary?

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

It's HoodyHoo, from the "Bad comment, no biscuit" zone

gotta say, I about lost it both the first time I cut my (growing since childhood) hair -- I think it was junior high? And also when I decided in my early 20's that I was perhaps NOT Loretta Lynn and cut it again... but now, if you told me I had to have long hair again, I'D KEEL YOU.

Julia said...

My advice is don't got tooo short... I think we always go drastic...at least I do. Last time I cut my hair I cut it like a boy and wow did I regret that... if you want my advice (you didn't ask for) cut it about shoulder blade length! You will like the freedom it gives you! :)

Leauxra said...

My hair was long until the third grade, when I got a pixie cut. It grew out again, and through high school, my hair was about as long as it is now. Then I chopped it again. It seems to be a 10 year cycle. A friend of mine said that my hair was either short or long, but she can't remember anything in between.

I started growing my hair out again about 2003ish. The reason it is as long as it is is because I hate taking care of it. I hate going to a stylist to get it cut. I hate styling it. But my laziness has lead to even more work.

Basically, I am too lazy for hair. Maybe I should bic it.

thoughtsappear said...

Your hair is really long, but it wold be nice to donate it to Lock so Love.

You could start by cut like half of it off if you're scared. Or 2/3 if you're feeling adventurous.

Leauxra said...

Yeah. The hair must go. It is 36-38 inches long. That means I can donate 30 inches, and still have 6-8 inches to play with. That's like... three wigs.

Miss Sassy Pants said...

I can't imagine finding one of your hairs in my food.

Angie said...

That would be so sweet to donate it! My hair wraps around my neck at night when I am sleeping and damn near kills me. I don't know how you've survived! Maybe your hair just likes you more than mine likes me? Either way I can't wait to see what you decide to do with it!

LeeAnn said...

I can basically say my hair also is down to my ass. However, my ass is directly between my shoulder blades so I doubt it looks as good as yours.
Also, pants are a bitch to find, lemme tell you.

JnetRuns said...

Your hair is fabulous, I would kill for hair like that! That said, locks of love would be an awesome donation, and you could grow it back if you hated short hair right?

Leauxra said...

Miss Sassy Pants: My hair actually sheds less than it did when I had it short, but yeah. It could be a problem.

Angie: I have a special method of pulling my hair straight up above my head when I lay down to keep it (mostly) out of the way. That said, the last time I went swimming, I left my hair down thinking it would be all pretty and mermaid like. My hair clung to my body and wrapped around my arms, nearly drowning me. My hair is just lulled me into complacency and then struck.

LeeAnn: I am now a bit intrigued by your description, and am virtually high-fiving you for being a fellow longhair in a short haired world.

JnetRuns: I love my hair, but it cannot be ignored. It has to be taken care of first thing when I get up, or I will be in a world of hurt. Since I never had it styled, it is all pretty much the same length, too, so I think it should be good donation material. I've had short hair before, too. The only reason it got long was I was too lazy to get it cut in the last decade.

tazerwarriorprincess said...

Hoody, why are you breaking the internet?

Lex- I think you'd look great with just below the shoulder length. A pixie would be a lot of work for a fresh cut... Just my two cents! Plus, then you still wouldn't have to get a blowdryer.

PudMonkey said...

If it makes your decision any easier, you still totally have short hair in my head. And, as a fellow person with hair down to my ass, yeah, it can be a pain in the ass. That's why mine basically lives in a french braid. I do it like that so often that I'm pretty sure it mostly does itself now. I find it great because I can put hats on and take them off at will, go swimming, wear a bike helmet, you name it! Anyways, good luck with your hair dilemma.

Leauxra said...

tazer: We'll see what happens. My real desire is to take by hair and tie it up, then cut it off with a katana while looking cool, but I might not be brave enough for that, and I don't have a katana.

PudMonkey: Yes, well. I can't french braid my hair myself anymore... it tangles and I can't reach to pull them out, so I gave up and put it in a bun 99% of the time. Buns don't fit in bike helmets, and they look very silly under a hat.

PudMonkey said...

Clearly, the way to resolve this dilemma is to get a katana.

Leauxra said...

Yes, PudMonkey. A katana. And someone I really trust.

andtheletterm said...

2c from a complete stranger:

You can't trust anyone, and long hair is beautiful. What you really need to do is find someone to braid your hair for you.

I have to keep trimming bits off to get rid of split ends and I hate it each time. Mine is mostly at bra-strap length, and I've been trying to keep growing mine...

every time I cut mine I regret it, it feels great for about half an hour, then I see the pile of hair and I hate myself. Then its 6 years to get it back where it was.

scissors = evil.
katanas are cool, but not for hair.

Leauxra said...

andtheletterm: You're right. I can't trust anyone with a katana near my head. Everyone I know would be far too tempted to shout, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" and try to take my head.

I do love my long hair. But I also hate it. I am fortunate that it only takes about 5 years to get long again, as I have gone through the cycle of SUPER LONG, to REALLY SHORT about three times in my life.

nagzilla said...

So I just read this post and have to very genuinely ask a question- how do you not get raging headaches with hair that long? Seriously. When my hair gets to be about the middle of my back (just below the bra strap line) I start getting headaches from the sheer weight of it pulling my head all the time. How are you not in agony all the freaking time?

Leauxra said...

nagzilla- my hair is actually quite thin... I can put it into a small rubber band. It looks thicker than it is, but the thickest a braid gets on my head is about an inch wide.

I have since chopped and donated it... it's the third time in my life I let my hair get to ass-lenght... I can't decide if I am going to grow it again or chop it more.

karensomethingorother said...

Hoo! That's amazing super hero hair indeed! I used to have long hair, but never quite that long, and since I cut it three years ago, it does NOT want to grow anymore.

Leauxra said...

Hah. I've cut my hair TWICE since then, and it is still hitting my shoulders again.

Chopping it was pretty liberating, though.