Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Nothing Says "Christmas" like a Cactus Wearing a Santa Hat

So, we flew to Phoenix for a short holiday visit.  Seems like I end up in sunny Arizona around the holidays every year.  It's always nice to enjoy 75 degree weather for a day or two.

Christmas in Phoenix reminds me of being a kid.  And insects.  And scorpions.  And thorns on everything. And Bad Santa.  And aliens (my brother's new house is out a ways, and as we drove through the dark desert to get there, I knew that there were are totally aliens out there watching us and deciding what to probe).  And rattlesnakes.  And dirt that wants to kill you.

Yes.  I said dirt.

Obviously, when the settlers came here, they were cracked out, or hiding from the law or something, because I can't imagine what they were thinking.  "I know, let's go hang out in a place where the frickin' DIRT will kill you."

And they're PROUD of this.  We actually passed by a subdivision that was called "Terra Vista", which I am pretty sure translates to "Dirt View".

When I was a kid, my grandma told me I shouldn't dig around it the dirt or I would catch something called "Valley Fever".  I just assumed it was some kind of illness from breathing in more dust than air.  It wasn't until about a year ago, the last time I was down in Phoenix, that I learned that it is actually a mold that grows in your lungs and can somehow get into your nervous system.  It's in the dirt.

I'm not sure what happens next, but I am pretty sure that you become a zombie. Obviously.

I base this on the creepy ant mold mushroom thing I saw on Planet Earth.  No, seriously, it's scientific.  And it TURNS THEM INTO ZOMBIES FIRST. (In case you missed it the first two times, here's the LINK).  This is for real, people.  Zombie ants.  And it's caused by mold.

Picture of zombie ant from the above link.

And then we have Phoenix.

With mold in the dirt that GETS INTO YOUR LUNGS AND CAN MOVE TO YOUR BRAIN. Am I the only one that thinks this is a big conspiracy?

"That ain't your grandpa, Sonny, that there's a zombie."

It looks to me like the zombie apocalypse has already begun.  And, much like my theories about alien invasions and conspiracies about the Illuminati and Freemasons, even if they ARE true, no one noticed or cared, so it probably doesn't matter.

Anyway, happy early Christmas.  Here is a picture of a saguaro cactus wrapped in lights.

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