I Write! Words! Words in Sentences!

So yeah. Wrote a book and all.

Not to toot my own horn or anything, but TOOT FUCKING TOOT.

Ahem.

Seriously though guys, I have to say that I learned a lot in writing a novel in a month.

First of all, I really really really want to be a writer when I grow up. Almost as bad as I want to be an evil wizard.

Second, writing can be a group activity. The more awkward it is, the more you will get done in order to block out your real life situation. I wrote almost five thousand words in three hours one day because I was so uncomfortable.* 

*I was sitting at a table with a couple of students. I was completely weirded out by hanging out with high schoolers who were half my age in a setting where they were my peers.  I tried to relate to them in some way, and instead ended up rambling on like a huge dweeb. At one point, the girl asked me if I had kids or was planning to have kids. I said, "Yeah, probably not. For some reason I can imagine having teenagers, but not children." "Ew," said the boy, "That's a disgusting image." I didn't mean give birth to teenagers, but there was no going back. If I refuse to look at them, maybe my embarrassment would go away. Type type type.

 I always thought I liked silence for writing. It turns out I like to listen to music.** And I have bad taste in music.*** I will never be hipster now.****

**It started out that I just wanted to block out the surrounding sounds. The sound of a computer game, the sound of that couple over there arguing about leaving hair on the soap, that guy taking that order, that girl who just spilled her coffee... I know, great material, and blah blah blah, but mostly it was just annoying. So I put on my iPod and set it to shuffle, much as I do for work.

**For some reason I was listening to Coldplay a lot (please don't ask me why I have not one but two Coldplay albums. Please, just leave it), even though my Rob Zombie was a bit more appropriate to what I was writing. I took out my ear buds and the teenagers at my table were talking music. The cool girl (with the perfectly shaped head, I could tell because it was shaved) was arguing with the boy. They were obviously friends, and possibly trying to act cool in front of me.  Or maybe they were really just that in to music.  Anyway, the girl was arguing that Nickelback was the best band in the world because they were so diverse and played so many genres. All I know about Nickelback is that Detroit tried to get them banned from playing at some game for the NFL, and lots of people seem to really hate them. Lots of people also hate Coldplay, though, so maybe that means I would like them.  

When Boyfriend and I were in Flagstaff after our Grand Canyon adventure, we went into a convenience store so we could get some beer. I was paying and I handed the guy my money. "And you get a nickel back," he said, "Ha ha ha, that's what's playing right now! Nickelback!"  I smiled politely. He could get away with sounding like a huge dork because he looked a bit like a biker, all big and tattooed up. Come to think of it, he also had a shaved head. On second thought, I could never be a Nickelback fan.  My head is oddly shaped, and I would just end up looking like Lonnie the banjo boy in Deliverance if I shaved my head according to this apparent Nickelback convention.  Best to stick with my current plan of not even knowing what they sound like.

****Not that I would want to be. Being hipster is so yesterday. I didn't want to be hipster before any of you ever even heard of hating hipsters.

 I killed a lot of characters in my book, but the only one I feel bad about is the kitten.

No one can ever see this book. At least until I do a massive revision. I still haven't read it. I am a little bit afraid to.*****

***** No really. I tried to read it, and I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand reading it. It made my head hurt. I don't know if it was that bad or if I am just sick of it. I've started writing a children's book instead of editing my current book. I think I'll wait until January when I'm depressed anyway, before I look at it again.

It is easy to mix up rural Nebraska and rural Kansas in your head.****** I might need to change the seasons or something, as I think I used the layout for the Nebraska house in a scene that happened in Kansas. Damnit.

****** Especially when you have never spent any time in either place, only driven through, as God intended.

All stories that take place in Kansas should have tornadoes. Its better than a deus ex machina when your plot is getting stale, only better because the situation is not resolved, but made worse.*******
 *******Seriously, I seem to enjoy torturing my characters a LOT.  What does this say about me as a person?  I am thinking it is a good thing that I will not procreate. 

I seem to like writing about things burning down. There are multiple fires.

It is possible to write a novel in a month while working full time and commuting (but it might make you crazy then you'll and over italicize the fuck out of your next blog post).