Thursday, September 29, 2011

I am so Hardcore (or I’m Not Dead Yet)

Dear Internets,





I was going to tell y'all that I was leaving on vacation, and then I got all excited about jetting out of town (OK, not jetting, driving. In a fabulous rented Toyota Corolla. Yes, it was fabulous. Shut up. You can have your dreams of luxury, and I can have mine, OK?) and I didn’t post the post that I was planning to post to let you know I was going to be gone.

So when I got back, I got all these messages, “Are you OK? What’s happening? Are you dead?” and I felt bad, but also kind of vindicated, like the internet NOTICES when I’m gone.  I am friggin' famous.

Here’s an example of what happened when I came back to Google+ and put up a picture:

(click to enlarge picture)

My old buddy, we’ll call him “Pyro” for the sake of the story (just randomly and NOT because he set me on fire one time in a coffee shop but that WASN’T the reason we called him Pyro, and I mean, hypothetically, if we DID call him Pyro back in “the day” it wouldn’t have anything to do with setting himself on fire at a 7-Eleven or anything). Anyway, Pyro noticed I was gone. Angie Uncovered and Hoodyhoo and Wagthedad noticed I was missing. Heck. I’ll bet loads of people noticed I was MIA.

So driving this morning, I said to Boyfriend, “All these internet people noticed I was missing!”
Boyfriend: “They’re addicted to you.”

Me: “I feel so loved!”

Boyfriend: “… Gee. Thanks.”

Me: “Awww… I didn’t mean that.” Reaches over and pats his leg, “I just mean I’m loved by strangers.”

There was a pause.

We both talked at once.

Me: “Yeah, that didn’t come out right.”
Boyfriend: “I don’t think that’s a good thing.”

Me: “OK, and it isn’t like they’re strangers, anyway. I met them on the internet.”

Boyfriend, “OK, that’s better then.”

So what I ‘m saying, Internets, is that I didn’t mean to worry you.


P.S. This is the post that I forgot to post before I left off posting.


Sometimes, I think that deep down I really just want to be totally straight edge. No smokes, no alcohol, no meat, no caffeine, nothing.  I imagine I would feel really good, become a morning person, and be all kinds of superior to the other mortals.

Luckily, when I think I want to be all awesome and healthy, my mind goes, “AAAAAAAAAAAGHHH!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! FRIED CHICKEN!!!!!!!!! BEEEEEEEEEER!!!!!!”

I keep sabotaging my poor health choices by doing things like this:

I take a week off from work to go on vacation.

I don’t go to Cabo san Lucas where the margaritas are plentiful.

I don’t go on a cruise.

I don’t even go somewhere tropical at all.

I don't go to a place famous for the cuisine.

Where I am going, there will be no cabana boys to refill my pina coladas.

Where I am going, there will be no room service, no gambling, no flushing toilets, no motorized vehicles, and no alcohol at all. I can’t even bring my own. There will be no towels to steal. There will not, in fact, even be “permanent shelter”.  I will not have access to a phone or the internet (although it is possible I will see a double rainbow).

And yet, I am desperately excited to go.

Crazy, right?

I promise, this isn’t some psychological break. This is something awesome.

No, I am not joining a cult.

I leave in the morning. I will be back in a bit over a week.

All packed up and ready to go (I am not bringing the Jazzy cat nor the couch).

(Written on 9/16 and I left the next morning.  More to come)


Angie said...

You WERE missed! Glad to see you made it back in one piece and didn't join that cult! Will we get details on exactly where this escape from the day to day took place? Share share!

Paula said...

I noticed you were gone too, but didn't want to be all creepy or anything.. :) Hope you had a good time!

Leauxra said...

Angie: Thanks for missing me. I really did mean to warn people. I'll be putting up some highlights and whatnot over the next few days.

Paula: YAY! You missed me! I mean, sorry, you missed me. Or... Dang it. I had a fantactic time and it's good to be back.

MakingSpace said...

Well, I just, err, "met" you and I noticed you were gone! Glad you had, err, fun? And that Pyro didn't set fire to anything while you were away.

PudMonkey said...

Glad you're back. :) Where did you go? It looks amazing!

Leauxra said...

MakingSpace: Welcome welcome, and of course, sorry for running out on you. And if We'll-just-call-him-Pyro had set something on fire, it probably would have been himself, so, been there, done that.

PudMonkey: I'll be putting up more stuff over the next few days. Either tomorrow or the next day, depending on how long it takes to organize. :)

wagthedad said...

OK, so the Internet is also VENGEFUL. You go on vacation, don't tell us, we think you're dead, we worry and wonder at the whole anonymity of all of this shit and what would happen if she just never came back which ultimately means what would happen if WE never came back, and man, now you're going to get some people all pissed off or something.

Good to have you back.

Leauxra said...

Wagthedad: Thanks. I was missing my existentialism today. :) My blog makes me glad I'm back. My job does not. Time to get cracking on my novel, I think.