Case and point:
I decided to crochet a balaclava.
|The finished piece and matching mitts that I did a year or two ago.|
I am not some expert crocheter that can whip out an afghan in and hour or a scarf in 20 minutes. I can't read crochet instructions. At. All. It is like trying to read tax code or legalese, or some of the emails I receive from clients that don't actually speak English but use Google translate. It looks like I should be able to read them, they use the Latin alphabet.... but there is no meaning whatsoever, and if I try too hard my brain explodes.
But I know one stitch. Sort of. I'm not even sure if it's an official crochet stitch. But I can add and remove stitches on the fly, and make really neato things like hats and gauntlets and scarves. Most of what I make is a "snowflake". Un-repeatable. Completely unique.
Yeah. Balaclava. It seemed like a good idea. I mean, seriously, what could go wrong? If it was too hideous, I could just pull out the stitches and do something else. And if it worked, I would have an awesome balaclava for my winter sports.
If you don't know, a balaclava is like a hat, but really long, so you can pull it down to cover your face. Usually, you leave eye holes, otherwise I think it's just a sack. Think "terrorist in a bad 80's movie", and that's it.
|Me doing my best "80's terrorist B Movie" impression.|
I decided to just leave a big hole for the eyes so I could put a baseball cap underneath for a brim, and pull my face out all the way for eating and drinking, and I left a hole in the back for my pony-tail.
|Pony tail hole.|
Since I don't usually set aside time to crochet, I carried the thing around with me, and would work on it after dinner when everyone was hanging out talking, or while watching TV.
I was working working working. The thing was coming together really fast. I realized that I was going to have to take it in a little along the bottom, so it would fit snug across my face. I assumed my stitch would be stretchy enough to compensate for the narrowing.
I kept testing it. I would stitch a few rows, stop, pull it over my head, then take it off again and keep going. I noticed it was getting a little tight, so I stopped reducing the stitches, and did a few more rows, and tried it on again.
Somehow.... I managed to punch myself in the face while trying it on.
Seriously. Right in the nose.
I blinked through the stars and tears in my eyes, and squeezed the thing on to show everyone. "See?" I said, "Isn't it awesome?" I was pretty impressed I could talk without a voice quaver.
|Maybe if I wear sunglasses, no one will see me cry.|
I don't know what they thought. I couldn't hear them over the blood rushing to my ears as I worked through the pain. The weight of the material on my nose was ridiculous. I pulled the thing off again and kept working, thinking that my nose thing would be like a stubbed toe and the pain would fade out.
Three days later, it still hurt to touch. It was like I had been in a bar fight, only without drinking and no bruise. And no jail time.
I think I may have broken my nose crocheting. How many people can say that?
|OK, I guess I was exaggerating. It wasn't actually broken.|