Today I am working on not thinking about one thing. I am doing this by trying to fill up my brain and thinking about other things.
So far, it only works kind of.
OK. So. Deep breath. I should just spit it out. Get it over with. Maybe it's a little shameful.
For some fucked up reason I can't even fucking identify, I decided to give up my very favorite hobby of all time. I quit smoking.
I feel a little bit like I have murdered a childhood friend. Sure, my buddy hated me and I hated him, and he was killing me slowly, with my permission, and he took and took and took money from me, and every time I tried to do other things I love like hiking and running and biking and that kind of thing, he would get in the way, that jealous bastard, and even now, he whispers to me, "it'll be different, this time, I promise," and I want to believe him even thought I freaking KNOW he's lying, the coward, bastard...
A few weeks ago, I gave up drinking soda, as my diet Mountain Dew habit was getting silly. A couple weeks later, I started working towards being a vegetarian. Fuck all that. I am drinking a Mountain Dew AND a beer, and thinking about eating some freaking BEEF tonight... But I am not smoking.
I reached the point where I have been smoking for half of my life. 17 freaking years.
So. Sorry I can't be too funny, today.
On the plus side, I may be posting more, as a way of distracting myself so I don't resurrect Mr. Smoking Habit.